Saturday, March 12, 2005

Thank God for Paul McCartney.

I'm in a snit. This is the 1st weekend in forever where I haven't spend Friday and Saturday sequestered in my apartment. I'm confused. The sunlight hurts my eyes, but I'm thankful that people had the interest in dragging me out. GRE not counting, it's been nice. GRE counting, I'm miserable. I blew it, and I have a bad feeling that last night's bad night's rest has cost me something in the long run much more consequential. As per usual, I failed in what I set out to do, and you would think that as much as I manage to do that, I should have it down to an art form, and be used to it. Used to screwing up and used to being fairly alone. I had the opportunity to go to East Andrews tonight and hang out - and I would have gone if a) I didn't feel like I was going to pass out and b) if I wouldn't wind up being the only single person there. I guess technically I'm not single, but basically I am, and being around happy couples would only serve to remind me that I should be part of one, but because I have an apparently repulsive personality towards those that I date I'm not since my boyfriend is with knives right now. At least I have the Cap'n and Paul (not to be confused with the Captain and Tenille) to keep me company... and ironically my copy of Depression for Dummies. Between work, and the GRE, and my personal life, I'm highly unhappy, but whatever. I came to the conclusion a loooooooooong time ago that I was here to make sure that others are well taken care of and are happy, my own personal needs notwithstanding... and so it shall be. Not that it matters - since I'm an only child and don't want kids (and probably will never be married since I can't commit) when I kick it my debts'll be absolved... and I'll have plenty of content friends for as long as they remember the fact that I meandered around.

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