Friday, March 11, 2005

*yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn*

I have time to kill before work, so I figure I'd post since I laid in bed last night for a while thinking about stuff, and I might as well post it before I forget what I was dwelling on. I went to bed fine, but someone called and woke me up to tell me aaaaaaaaaaaall about their date, so needless to say, I had issues getting back to sleep. I'm so happy for this person - God knows she deserves someone nice who isn't a tool... she's been unhappy for so long. Now, this might sound selfish, but why can't stuff like that ever happen to me? Every time I'm all excited about a guy, and go out on great dates, and have great phone conversations, what happens? They lose interest and basically dump me. It's amazing. That's kinda what happened again. I guess I need to reconcile myself to being alone. Maybe I don't have the personality to hold someone's attention for more than a month. Maybe my insecurities about everyone kill every relationship possible. I don't know, but I'm tired of it. I want to date someone and be happy! I want to go out on great dates all of the time and tell my friends how well they went and have them get excited for me like I do for them (not the usual - "Oh, you're dating someone!" like I'm incapable of having a boyfriend). But yeah, no, tonight and tomorrow night I'll be alone because the guy I'm dating will probably have somethin better to do, while all my friends have someone to spend time with. At least I have pizza and my GRE for Dummies book to keep me company. And good ol' Cap'n Morgan. Not that this matters - I have to wake up at 6 tomorrow AM anyways. I'm just really unhappy again, but I'm working on not being. I'm trying really hard to be positive about being alone, like it gives me time to get stuff done around here (I'll be cleaning tonight) and read, and dwell. At least I have a modicum of supportive friends who feel the need to call me during the week and do stuff. It's just the weekend, when everyone else is out and about, is the time I get to spend all by myself.

2 comments:

Gonadz said...

Nah, not true... mine was a complete douche bag. We had some fun times, but in the end, he was like the flu: just when you think you're getting better, you have to puke five minutes later. And when it's done, you're just so ready to be well and free of it. And at least yours still speaks to you... but like I said, mine will suffer indirectly for my amusement. Justice must be served!

Laura said...

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice analogy. Gross, and a little too colorful, but nice. :^D We're in the same boat - but at least yours isn't bi-polar w/access to knives.

 
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