Saturday, April 02, 2005

How's this for rejection?

The only 2 pieces of mail in my mailbox today were for my apartment's previous tenant. Nice, huh? *sigh* Love me and my 2 heads. Gonadz said that Doug came through her line at Publix yesterday with nary a comment other than "Laura doesn't seem like she wants to talk to me." Wow. Yeah, yet again, maximum effort put forth. Why do I attract the losers or the psychopaths? Guys with no direction in life... and what's worse is that I think 2 of them loved me, and I panicked and shoved them away. One, because they were both losers, and 2, someone cared that much about me, and I'm starting to wonder if that's really supposed to happen. Oh well. Whatever. I've lost friends after I busted my ass to be a good one to them, so how is this different? Oh, yeah, that's right - it's not. I just really don't care. Yay to my friends who feel the bizarre need to deal with my depressive stupdity. I think that a lot of this is my fault. I'm alone all the time because I'm too scared to ask anyone to do anything with me, because I already have myself convinced they'll say no, which I'll take as rejection. It's just easier for me to not hear that 2 letter word and just reject myself. But how can I expect people to want to be around me when I feel like this? I know that all I succeed in doing is annoying them and ticking them off. They might as well be around people who are more enjoyable to be around... why should they be tortured by being around me when there are others who are more fun to be around?

Oh, and the Pope passed away. I'm not a Catholic (religion creeps me out) but I really do believe that he was a good person, and it's unfortunate that the world's lost an honest leader. I hope the next pope has as much integrity as John Paul II... or at least he doesn't start another Inquisition or find some Nazis to chill with.

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