Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Damned book.

I still have 15 pages left to read of The Mind and the Market. Not total - but just for Thursday. I've been reading since 7. It is now 10. Luckily for me, I have no life to speak of, because I have the rest of the readings I have to do for the semester done. Now I just have to worry about the little assignments. And, oh yeah, that "brief 8 page paper." And my "philosophy of education reflection." And like 20 other things. But, since I rarely leave the apartment, it's all good.

Of course, instead of reading last night like I should have, I jumped at the chance to go have beer with someone I haven't seen since November - and enjoyed it. They asked me to go and EVERYTHING! It was cool, but I didn't get my homework done, didn't get to sleep until 11:45, and felt like poop all day today. And me, being the idiot I am, am kicking myself for screwing up my homework schedule when I should be thankful someone wanted to go hang out. Which I am, but I can't pass up an opportunity to give myself a good, strong KICK. *ow*

Still haven't heard from the 'rents. Yeah, I'm 23 and moved out and don't need to speak to my parents daily. But Mom & I have a good relationship, and I'm an only kid - which gives me liscence when I haven't talked to her since Thursday to feel crappy that she hasn't called me yet. Since THEY'RE on vacation, and I don't want to intrude (because it annoys me when people call me when I'm out of town) I haven't called them yet. They're probably off having a great time with Pop's 2 kids, who since they're exactly like him and not exactly like my father, he can get along with and stuff. And then think about how well adjusted they are, and how great they are, and then forget he has that kid somewhere else who was only part of a package deal, after all. You know, that kid who is busting her butt for a degree to make them happy. Again. Wow... God, history DOES repeat itself. One of these days I'm going to look back and laugh at my stupidity for getting 2 (and eventually like 3 and a specialist) education degrees... when I'm teaching ECE majors and being all envious of the professors in the history department. At least I can pretend to still have a functioning brain by having a history book or two in my office.

*sigh* I'm tired of feeling like poopie, and being worried about stuff, and having the self-esteem of a gnat, and not believing that the people who care about me really do. And if I don't start sleeping at night, I'm going to turn into a zombie. I wish I weren't such a chicken about stuff.

Oh, and to be stupid and sappy - Stevie Nicks lyrics. Shoot me now. From "Miss You:"

Seems like yesterday
I think about how much I
Wish that you were here with me now
The invisible girl that was my name
She walks in and walks out
And I'm sorry now
I'm sorry now

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